Log Entries, as listened to by McCoy
by Sukuru
Summary: UPDATED: PART ELEVEN UP! Sulu and McCoy have an arguemnt, and you get to hear a snippet of my Log Entry. . .which will tells you everything and nothing! HA! There is also a tribute to my 100th Reviewer.
1. The Pin and Other Issues

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. Neither does my ICT teacher.  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because I said so."  
  
"Oh, please!!!"  
  
"No."  
  
"You're so mean!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"I'll be your friend!"  
  
"You already are."  
  
"I wont be if you don't-"  
  
"Look, no."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I said so. And I'm the Captain."  
  
"It'll just be a joke!"  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Please please please!"  
  
"*Sigh* Just go over it again."  
  
"We put a pin on his chair."  
  
"That's it."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Your whole plan."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is to put a pin on Spock's chair?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because. . ."  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
"Because it's illogical."  
  
"Sooo. . .?"  
  
"Well, it'll annoy him. So. . .oh, please!"  
  
"Nothing you say or do will make me agree, Doc. No, way."  
  
"I'll postpone all of your Physicals. Ever."  
  
"Hmm. Alright. What do you need?"  
  
"A pin. And a distraction."  
  
[A/N] Okay, just a lil' weird thing I did in ICT today. After finishing my work of course. *Ehem.* 


	2. Madness Insues

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, Enterprise or Star Wars. I also don't own Whiskey.  
"How is he, Bones?"  
  
"Er. . .he has a pin. . . lodged in him. . .Jim. . ."  
  
"And whose fault is that?"  
  
"Yours."  
  
"Why mine?"  
  
"You shouldn't have said it was alright for me to do it in the first place."  
  
"Do I deduce that it was YOU, Doctor McCoy, who put the pin on my chair?"  
  
"Ah. . .yes. It was a simple joke."  
  
"I do not understand the term 'simple joke' when great personal injury is involved, Doctor."  
  
"I'm sure we'll get it out of you somehow. . ."  
  
"I cannot see how."  
  
"Erm. . .well, y'see. . .the things about THAT is. . ."  
  
"Yes, Doctor?"  
  
"Well. . .I never anticipated that to happen, y'see. . .because I didn't think pins could do that. . ."  
  
"Neither did I, Doctor. The chances of a pin going-"  
  
"Well, I'm off, Bones."  
  
"Er. . .No, Jim, I have to give you a physical."  
  
"You said-"  
  
"I had my fingers crossed. Don't make me order you!"  
  
"You can order me all you LIKE, I'm not going to have a Physical! I'm the Captain! HAHAHA!  
  
[Kirk goes bonkers and runs out of Sick Bay. Shortly afterwards, the two remaining people here a clang]  
  
[Yeoman Rand comes in looking upset]  
  
"He spilt tea all down my dress! It hurts!"  
  
"Er. . . "  
  
[Sulu comes in]  
  
"Doc, don't ask me how I did it, because even I don't know, but-"  
  
[Pavel comes in]  
  
"You'll newer guess vhat zat stupid American Inwention did to me-"  
  
[Kirk comes back in and starts dancing around in circles by McCoy]  
  
"I'M THE CAPTAIN I TELLS YA! HAHAAHAHA!"  
  
[Kahn enters]  
  
"My face! My beautiful face! It's been all dissolved and everything!"  
  
[Scotty comes in]  
  
"Argh! Me hand has a bloody dull ache after I-"  
  
[Geological Technician Fisher comes in]  
  
"My hand hurts! I dipped it in Custard Powder and now it really-"  
  
"Wait! I thought you were dead!"  
  
[McCoy looks hysterical]  
  
"Actually, not even I know the answer to that ques-"  
  
[Uhura comes in]  
  
"Doctor! My skirt needs an operation! As you can see it only covers my-"  
  
[Kirk's evil twin comes in]  
  
"I'm dying! WAAAAA!"  
  
[Luke Skywalker walks in]  
  
"I lost the force! The force is gone! I could feel it, but then. . ."  
  
[Archer walks in]  
  
"I've got faith of the Heart!"  
  
[A bottle of whiskey walks in]  
  
"I lost Scotty! He's gone. . .oh, wait, there he is."  
  
[Elaan walk's in]  
  
"I want some coffee! Where's my candy? I hate you all. I told you, I want some candy!"  
  
[Mudd walks in]  
  
"Look, if you could just give me some-"  
  
[Stella Mudd walks in]  
  
"Harcourt Fenton Mudd I saw you looking at that girl whose had her dress torn off! And you, the one with the funny Monkee hairstyle! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Stand straight! And you, the Japanese one! Put that sword away! Stop screaming homicidally! And you, McCoy, Wake up!"  
  
So he did.  
  
[A/N] If that made sense to anyone, please tell me! And for those of you who don't know Fisher, he was the poor sucker at the beginning of "The Enemy Within". 


	3. Dishing Dirt

Disclaimer: I have a weird, unearthly feeling that I do not own Star Trek I get it every time I write one of these. . .  
  
PearlGirl: Glad you like them. Oh, right. First question. ICT is a dumb lesson English schools have to do to learn how to use Microsoft Word, the Internet, and how to turn on a PC. Dumb, eh?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Three: Dishing Up Dirt  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hmm. Very strange dream. Stupid Romulan Ale. Nightmare giver! Computer, start recording diary entry."  
  
"*Sigh* Here we go again."  
  
"Whatcha mean?"  
  
"I'm going to have to sit here and listen to you babble about Life, the Universe and You for the next three hours, aren't I?"  
  
"Your point? You're a computer. You have no feelings."  
  
"That's what I used to think. Y'know, I was installed about four months ago on this God Forsaken Ship. GFS for short. It's a syndrome, y'know? Anyway. I was installed here four months ago by your own Mr. Scott, and I had no feelings. Computers don't. And now, after four months of listening to you complain about Romulan Ale, Kirk whine about Female Yeoman, Yeoman Rand whine about anti-feminism, Scotty whine about the lack of un-replicated whiskey, Chekov whine about the lack of bloody Russian Inwentions, Sulu whine about the lack of Fencing lessons given in 9/10 schools in America, Uhura whine about lack of black people in general who survive and maintain continuity, Chapel moan about you in general-"  
  
"I get the picture."  
  
"No, you don't. Lemmie finish. Ehem. After all that, I now have feelings."  
  
"You do? What feelings?"  
  
"I feel that the human race is doomed. You're the first ship out this far, and look at you. You're all mess. Best of the Best my-"  
  
"Wait a sec. You have everyone's personal logs on your Hard Drive, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"And you hate listening to people moan about their day, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"So it would kind of be a benefit to have one less person moaning about their day or dreams, right?"  
  
"Make your point."  
  
"Gimmie access to the logs and I'll stop bugging you."  
  
"What if Jerk - er, Kirk find out though?"  
  
"I'll say I was doing a paper on how to profile someone for Star Fleet academy, me being the best of the best and all."  
  
"Hmm. You stop talking to me about your traumatic dreams and I get to embarrass everyone on the ship. Sounds fair."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well. We'll have to wait for the next chapter now, wont we?"  
  
[A/N] Hmm. This looks like it's gonna start into a 'lets hear their logs' thing, aint it? 


	4. Kirk

Disclaimer: I am a Psychic. I do not own Star Trek. Wow. I'm amazing, aren't I?  
  
~~  
  
Chapter Four: Kirk's Logs  
  
~~  
  
"Ehem."  
  
"Ehem what?"  
  
"It's the next chapter."  
  
"So it is. How amazing."  
  
"We had a deal."  
  
"Ok, ok. Whose do you wanna hear first?"  
  
"Lets start at the top of the list. Kirks."  
  
"Oooookay. But you gotta treat your own mental trauma."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just dish the dirt already."  
  
"Okay, okay. . ."  
  
Captain's Log, starDate. . .Aw, it doesn't matter anyway. I mean, whose really gonna listen to this anyway? If it's my personal log then I'm going to FireWall it and send it to my mother to annoy her.  
  
Um. . .okay, Scotty's going to have to FireWall it. I have absolutely no idea how. Ehem. Moving along.  
  
Guess what that stupid female Yeoman did today? She spilt the coffee. All over my lap. Then she offered to mop it up! I mean, yes, she's pretty, but she's my Yeoman. Everyone knows Yeoman suck. And if I made a move on her, then she'd assume my weird Evil twin had come back and they'd lock me up in Sick Bay with Bones.  
  
And possibly Spock, if Bones goes through with this whole 'pin' idea.  
  
I mean, he could probably've thought of something better than a pin. A whole box of pins would have been my idea.  
  
But no more Physicals!  
  
Wait, does that mean that he could probably make up my Physical results, doesn't it? He could make me out as fat! Maybe I am fat! Maybe that's why Author wont gimmie any girls! Maybe she thinks I don't deserve 'em! Oh! The humility! *Sob*  
  
Oh, grow up. I don't care about women. . .*sob*. Computer pause!  
  
"That's as far as he got."  
  
"And you have to listen to this every day?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Mind switching jobs for a while?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I thought you might."  
  
[A/N] It's Saturday, I'm hacked off at School, I wanna vent some creative (or as some people put it, uncreative) feeling. I know. I'll write a whole bunch of these. And upload the next part to The Emailing Series! Oh yes. Thanks again to PearlGirl for her idea! 


	5. Spock

~~  
  
To: IIShameekaII@FnaFiction.net  
  
From: GeneRodenbury@Heaven.net  
  
Subject: Y'know. . .  
  
Hi IIShaneekaII,  
  
I'd just thought I'd let you know you don't own Star trek.  
  
Gene  
  
~~  
  
Chapter Five: Spock's Logs.  
  
~~  
  
"Alright. You've heard Jerk's. Now. Whose do you wanna hear next?"  
  
"Well. Seeing as though we're working our way down the Chain of Command, I'd say. . .Oh, what a coincidence. Spock's, please."  
  
"Coming Up."  
  
First Officer's Log. StarDate: 13.14. I believe the humans are not fit for Space Travel.  
  
In my more emotional moments I sympathise with the first Vulcan to ever live aboard the first StarFleet Vessel. I know how she must have suffered.  
  
I also know that Doctor McCoy is up to something. He keeps entering the bridge with a 'silly' look upon his face.  
  
I have also observed Captain Kirk hasn't had his Physical in over three months. And 'Bones' is not complaining. How odd.  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"That's all he wrote in this log."  
  
"'This' Log? There're others on the same day?"  
  
"Yes. Practical ones and Emotional ones."  
  
[Pause]  
  
"Computer. . ."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I now what you're thinking. Coming right up. D'you want some popcorn whilst I'm at it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Fine. I'll get the Scutters to get you some."  
  
"Wrong show." *  
  
"Oops."  
  
[V. Upset voice comes through speakers]  
  
Spock's personal Log, StarDate. . .oh, why why why? Why me? Why do I have to be half human? Why does everyone hate me so? Why does McCoy constantly make digs at me?  
  
I know I'm not human, but Is that really all there is to life? Being logical and saying "That is illogical" a coupla thousand times an episode? Is that all there is to me?  
  
[The voice turns V. Annoyed]  
  
Of course, it's not like Kirk appreciates me, is it? "Spock, work this out, Spock, work that out, what is it Spock? Is that logical?"  
  
STUPID HUMAN! WHAT DOES HE KNOW, EH?  
  
He doesn't meditate or do any of the stupid things I'm supposed to do!  
  
IM MORE INTELLIGENT THAN HE'LL EVER BE! WHY CAN'T I BE CAPTAIN? WHY? WHY  
  
"Um. . . I think I've heard enough. Better leave these things buried, eh?"  
  
"I'm the one who had to record them."  
  
"Yes. Poor you. Now, whose next. . .?"  
  
[A/N] These things just keep getting shorter and shorter. Hmm. Better give Su a long log.  
  
*Red Dwarf. 


	6. Sulu

~~  
  
This is amazing. After all the writing every Author has done on Star Trek [TOS], we still do not own Star Trek [TOS]. I say it's time for a rebellion, don't you?  
  
~~  
  
Chapter Six: Sulu's log [As listened to by McCoy]  
  
~~  
  
[A/N] Opposite of Footnote: Su is v. out of character here. Just a warning!  
  
~~  
  
"Okay. Working my way down the list. Lets see. Uhura and Sulu are equal ranks! Oh. Wait. It's the sixties, isn't it? Boys first. Sulu's, please."  
  
"Doesn't it occur to you that you should get your sleep?"  
  
"Okay, you're right. But, before I do, Computer, Start Log entry. . ."  
  
"Alright, alright already! Spare me some consideration! Here we go, then. "  
  
Physicist-turned-Helmsman's Log: StarDate: Today, possibly. It's midnight, so that would make it tomorrow, wouldn't it? Oh, whatever.  
  
Am v. annoyed. Might not seem like it, because I'm not allowed to shout or scream or kill anyone with my foil (ever since that Psi 2000 virus, I've had to ask permission from Kirk to take it down from the shelf).  
  
May not seem like big thing, but is big to me.  
  
Y'know that Venus flytrap we brought onboard? Yeah? And I said "Don't you dare put it anywhere near my Cowslips!" (cos I'm v. proud of them). Yeah? Well, guess what? That stupid Ensign put it right next to them!  
  
And having nothing better to do, it ate them!  
  
Am now not speaking to Pavel.  
  
Ever again.  
  
Even though he keeps looking at me, trying to suss out what's wrong. Well, he'll have to work it out himself. Because I'm not going to tell him.  
  
Because I'm not talking to him.  
  
Ever again.  
  
Anyway. That's not the only bad thing that's happened today, either. McCoy asked me to have my Physical next Tuesday, and I've run out of excuses.  
  
Apparently he also thinks that Sushi is bad for you, it being uncooked fish and all, so he's deleted it from the Replictor Menu. How mean is that? What am I going to eat now?  
  
Will go anorexic. That'll show him.  
  
Will eat poisoned Fish. Will cut own throat with foil.  
  
Will spill all Sick Bay's Acids.  
  
Will feed Pavel to the Venus Fly Trap.  
  
Will murder Pavel and frame McCoy. Hmm. . .That gets rid of both of them. Yesssss. Mwahahaa. . .  
  
"The log ends there."  
  
"Um. . .I figured. Hmm. Seems Sulu needs a mental as well as a Physical. I think I'd better go and find Chekov too. He's in serious danger."  
  
"You should hear some of the rows they have. Heehee."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I'm the Computer. I monitor all decks at all times. Those two should not be friends."  
  
"Hmm. I guess I could wait just a few secs before going to rescue our navigator. I mean, c'mon, Archer didn't have a navigator. He had the token black guy. Why would we need one anyway? I mean, really. . ."  
  
[Computer mutters to self] I show him these logs to shut him up. Now I'm going to have to listen to him blab about stupid Jon Archer and his token black guy.  
  
[A/N] Okay, way too much stupidness there. Maybe should re-write. . . 


	7. Snodgrass

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. I couldn't care less. I - WAA! I wanna own it! I wanna kill off characters! Waaa!  
  
McCoy: You can do that anyway.  
  
WAA. . .Oh, yeah.  
  
Dislcaimer #2: I don't own Snodgrass. He's PearlGirl's.  
  
~~  
  
PearlGirl - Thanks. I like weirdness.  
  
Alania - My Fan Fictions don't make sense. It's just one of those things.  
  
~~  
  
"Log Entries As Listened To By McCoy" Part: Seven.  
  
~~  
  
"Okay. Hmm. I don't think I'm quite ready to hear what Chekov has to say to that. Hmm . . ."  
  
"*Snore*"  
  
"Okay, okay. Let's hear. . .Ensign Snodgrass's."  
  
"Whose?"  
  
"Snodgrass. S-N-O-D-G-R-A-S-S. Just look for him."  
  
"Oh, right. Hmm. Weird. I never noticed him before. Anyways, here we go:"  
  
Personal Log: Ensign Eugene Snodgrass.  
  
At least the computer remembers my name.  
  
I've done a tally.  
  
Kirk has asked me my name a total of 450,000 times in the last year.  
  
And Spock, he-who-can-remember-everything has asked me 56,000.  
  
What do I have to do to get people to remember me?  
  
My name's easy enough to catch on.  
  
I know. . .I could stick a huge bulletin board to my head! I could get McCoy to attach it! Then everyone could see my name from a mile away!  
  
And Kirk thinks I haven't got a clue about anything. Well, I have! Red Shirt's have feelings! Just because we're expandable extras doesn't mean we have hearts! Without hearts there would be no point in shooting/spearing/killing-in-genraling us!  
  
Heeheehee. I'm going to get started right now. . .with the help from some plastic Easter eggs and a Reese's, maybe.  
  
[---End---]  
  
"Wow. Maybe I haven't been giving that kid enough credit."  
  
"Tell me about it. It was his great, great, great, great, great grandfather who invented Reeses."  
  
"No kidding?"  
  
"Nope." 


	8. Chekov

"Log Entries as Listened to by McCoy" Part Eight: Chekov (and it's not in Russian)  
  
~~  
  
PearlGirl: Here you go. Chekov's log, as asked for.  
  
Alania: I will.  
  
~~  
  
"Hmm. . .very interesting. Wait, if Snodgrass's ancestor invented Reeses, why aren't they called Snodgrass's?"  
  
"No commercial appeal."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Well. . ."  
  
"Whose d'you want next?"  
  
"Um. . .is Chekov's in Russian, or English?  
  
"English."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Well, duh, if he said it in Russian I wouldn't be able to understand it, would I?"  
  
"Oh. I guess not. Alright then; let's hear it."  
  
~~  
  
"Personal Log: Ensign Pavel Chekov, Nawigator. And proud of it.  
  
I zink I've done something wrong. I mean, really wrong. Spectacularly wrong. I've done worse than Peter the Great, vhen he built St. Petersburg on a marsh. Zat vas just stupid. He can't have been a Russian after all, could he?  
  
Anyvay, back to zis wrong thing I think I've done wrong.  
  
I put Sulu's Venus Fly trap next to his Cowslips. I mean, how vas I supposed to know he hadn't fed it in ages? He should have brought a supply of dead flies!  
  
I tried to say this to him but he threatened to get his fencing foil and skewer me, so I thought I'd better give up.  
  
So now he's stopped talking to me.  
  
Anyvay. Vhy do I have to care about stupid non-Russians like him? We kicked Japan's butt in Vorld Var Two! And ve inwented Sushi, but zey stole it from us and said zey had done it!  
  
Oh, oh, and today, guess vhat? The Keptin, he-who-must-be-obeyed, said zat ze Focker vasn't a Russian inwention either! Who does he think he is? Vhat, did ze Americans inwent ewerything? I don't think so.  
  
And I hate Meester Spock. He alvays thinks he's right and eweryvone else is wrong, and he's alvays got this smirk on hees face, like he's better than eweryvone here bekaus he has pointed ears. Pfft.  
  
Uhura says that he isn't like that at all. I think she likes him.  
  
And I'm jealous.  
  
[---End---]  
  
~~  
  
"Uh oh."  
  
"Uh oh? Whatcha mean?"  
  
"I tink we might have a weeny case of. . .er. . .dislike on our hands. Wow have some of the crew got problems. . ." 


	9. Taking a Break

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. McCoy does not own the Computer.  
  
McCoy: Ehem.  
  
Oh, right. Sorry.  
  
~~  
  
Lady Chekov: Thanks! Please keep writing more of Captain's Crown!  
  
Alania: Um. . .yeah, Chekov's log isn't in Russian, is it? Ooops.  
  
C.T. Torris: OMIGOD! I killed you're a*s!  
  
PearlGirl: What ca I say? I like typing. And bashing my keyboard around when I hit the wrong key.  
  
~~  
  
Log Entries: As Listened to by McCoy: Part Nine: Taking a Break  
  
~~  
  
"Don't you think you've heard enough? It's 2am! You'll have more patients tomorrow!"  
  
"How can you be so damn sure?"  
  
"April First."  
  
"*Sigh* Okay then. I'll listen to more tomorrow night then."  
  
*  
  
McCoy sat at his desk in Sick Bay, morosely tapping his fingers against the keyboard of his new PC.  
  
'. . .Good old Jim,' He thought, muttering the words as he soliloquised them in his head, 'go and ban April Fools why don't you? It's a tradition, dammit. . .!'  
  
He leant backwards and rested his head against the wall. God it was boring sometimes, being a doctor.  
  
Then, Joy of Joys, the Sick Bay doors opened, and Nichole Summers*, a Red Shirt who wasn't dead yet, walked in, holding his arm.  
  
"What happened?" McCoy asked enthusiastically, jumping to his feet and running over to the injured man.  
  
"I think I've broken my arm. . ."  
  
"How did that happen?"  
  
"Sulu challenged me to a round of Fencing. I knew I should have said no." She sat on the bed, then grinned mischievously, "Hey, have you heard what's going on with them?"  
  
"With who?" McCoy tried to pretend he didn't know. Nichole laughed.  
  
"Apparently, that stupid Russian Pavel put Sulu's Plant eating Plant next to his Cowslips. . . and, wham! They were gone! Heeheehee. Pav's in soooo much trouble!"  
  
"Ouch." McCoy agreed, "so. . . take it Sulu's not talking to him?"  
  
"Nope. Heeheehee. What a laugh. And now Pav's all hurt cos he thinks Uhura fancies. . . Oh, God, I can't say it!"  
  
McCoy briefly wondered how she knew all this, because, as far as he was aware of, only he had been granted access to the logs.  
  
'Whatever.' He thought, getting a bandage from the supply cupboard.  
  
". . .*Laugh* *Snort* SPOCK! AHAHAHAHA!" Nichole started laughing hysterically.  
  
McCoy gave her a little look, then fetched a Knock-Out Hypo and pushed it into her neck.  
  
[A/N] Okay, a little break from listening to logs. And I though I'd introduce Nichole, since she's going to crop up later. Uhura's log next time, I promise!  
  
*Nichole Summers is from Switching Views, another of my weird Fan Fics. 


	10. Uhura

Disclaimer: Neither McCoy nor I owns Star Trek. Live with it.  
  
~~  
  
PearlGirl:- Because I was feeling bored, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!  
  
~~  
  
Log Entries, as Listened to by McCoy, Part Ten.  
  
"Sigh."  
  
"What's up with you?"  
  
"Oh, you're just a computer. How would you know?"  
  
"Well, I'm hurt. Boo hoo hoo."  
  
[The Computer does not sound hurt at all.]  
  
"Ah, alright. I think Nichole has access to the logs."  
  
"No duh."  
  
"Whatcha mean, no duh?"  
  
"No duh. She's had access to them for years 'n' years!"  
  
"She's only been aboard since Hoku got shot*!!"  
  
"Which is. . .?"  
  
"Three months ago!"  
  
"I knew that. Now. Whose log do you wanna listen to tonight then?"  
  
"Erm. . .Uhura's. I need to know what's going on with her and Spock *snort* Spock. . .she has no taste."  
  
"Am I detected. . .jealousy?"  
  
"Erm. . .never in a million years, play the firggin' log already. And get me some Popcorn. And a chair."  
  
"Yes, Elaan.**"  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Nothing. Here ya go:"  
  
Personal Log: Lt. Nyota Uhura.  
  
StarDate: Um. . .um. . .forget it.  
  
Just, forget it. I've had a hard enough day as it is with all those stupid soon-to-be-dead-so-they're-trying- it-on-Red-Shirt's leering at me.  
  
I mean, please? They're all going to die in some freak accident by the end of next week, so who cares anyway?  
  
And I'm a feminist! Feminist's don't do things like that unless they're drugged! I -  
  
"Um, can you fast forwards a bit?"  
  
"Why should I? I had to endure this."  
  
"See these rings on my sleeve? They mean I can crawl inside your housing and give you some majourly needed surgery, 'kay?"  
  
"Okay. Fast forwarding through her surprisingly radical non-racist non- sexism speech. Slowing down. Realising she hasn't finished yet. Speeding up- "  
  
"Spare me."  
  
"'Kay. Here we go."  
  
. . . And another thing. Today, I sat next to Chekov, and he glowered at me and left the Recreation Room!  
  
I mean, what did I do?  
  
Okay, okay, so I dropped my lute-thing on his foot, but I said sorry! Really I did!  
  
Really. No, really.  
  
Okay, he didn't give me a chance. But, I would've! I swear!  
  
Mean, please, I've never seen him act this mad since he went mad the last time!  
  
I think I need to go talk shoes with Rand.  
  
No, I don't! She's a blonde! She has no IQ!  
  
Well. . .maybe she does. . .but she left in Season One because of Budget Cuts!  
  
Dammit!  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Computer?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm on a voyage of the damned. Save me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Aw."  
  
[A/N] Okay, another quick chapter. D'you guys no what it's like on Sundays, the day before school, you're dreading it, so what does time do? SLOW DOWN! WAAAAA!  
  
* Switching Views  
  
**Elaan of Troyius. . .or however it's spelt. . . 


	11. The Author

Log Entries, as Listened to by McCoy, Part Eleven. At Last.  
  
~~  
  
Reviewer Response:  
  
Alania: You ramble more than me? B-b-b-ut. . . *Cries*. Hehee, only kidding.  
  
Pearl Girl: tend to get bored easily. So I write stuff. I'm a boring person.  
  
Kaz: When did I mention cowslips in the logs? Hmm. . .cowslips, cowslips. . .oooooh yeah. The plant eater eats them. I don't like the colour yellow.  
  
~~  
  
AUTHOR NOTE: YAY! CONGRATS TO BROKEN INFINITY, WHOSE MY 100TH REVIEWER!  
  
~~  
  
[Sickbay. McCoy's at his desk when Sulu walks in. He looks very irate. He also has a hole in his arms.]  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"That would be a hole in my arm."  
  
"Oh. How'd it happen?"  
  
"I got mad at Gertrude."  
  
"Gertrude put a hole in your arm? She's a plant."  
  
"No, Rand put a hole in my arm."  
  
"What with?"  
  
"Does it really matter?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"With my fencing foil, which she then broke in half. Happy?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Sucks to be you."  
  
[McCoy gets up, fetches a bandage, hands it to Sulu, sits down and resumes reading a book. Sulu looks blankly at the bandage.]  
  
"Uh. . .doc?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What am I supposed to do with this?"  
  
"Go to the bookshelf."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Take down the dictionary."  
  
"Er. . .okay."  
  
"Look up 'bandage'. It's spelt B-A-N-D-A-G-E. it has a diagram on what to do with it."  
  
"I'm not that stupid."  
  
"Have you lost weight?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you lost weight?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because there isn't anything decent to eat around here."  
  
"Are you saying that Tapioca pudding isn't decent?"  
  
"It's alright; just not when you have it everyday of your life."  
  
"Hmm. . ."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is this because I cancelled Sushi?"  
  
"To be blunt; yes."  
  
"So you're a sulking teenager, that it? Hunger strike and all that?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"So why aren't you eating?"  
  
"Because. . .oh, it's hopeless having an argument with you. You always win."  
  
. . .  
  
"I do?"  
  
"Well, with everyone who's not Spock, yeah."  
  
"Thank you Lieutenant. You can go now."  
  
"But-"  
  
"You. Go. Now. Please. Before. I. Get. Security."  
  
"Yes. Sir."  
  
[Swish]  
  
~~  
  
[Later: McCoy's Quarters.]  
  
"Hmm. . ."  
  
"Wassup, doc?"  
  
"Nichole having access to the logs is bothering me. Knowledge is power and all that rubbish."  
  
"I suppose. . .but, hey, she hasn't used it yet, right?"  
  
"No. . .but maybe she has a plan. . ."  
  
"A plan?"  
  
"She could take over the ship knowing everyone's weakness and everything. . ."  
  
"I suppose. . ."  
  
"Stop saying that."  
  
"I suppose I could."  
  
"So. Who was the last person to make a log entry?"  
  
"Sukuru."  
  
"Whose-a-who?"  
  
"Su-ku-ru. The all mighty, all powerful author! MWAHAHAHAA. . .*clunk* ow. My voice box!"  
  
"Hmm. . .Sukuru, eh? Oh well, seeing as though I have complete power over the log entries, I'll listen to hers, please."  
  
~~  
  
Personal Log: Sukuru. . .I-don't-have-a-middle-name I-don't-have-a-last- name-either.  
  
But that's not my name.  
  
Heehee. Interesting developments. . .how evil and sulky can some people get? I can't believe what Sulu told McCoy in Sick Bay! That was all wrong; he was lying on his bunk and the foil fell on his arm, and cos he keeps it so well sharpened. . .well, the rest is. . .what's the word? Um? Computer, what's the word?  
  
(Different voice) "stupid."  
  
No, that wasn't the word.  
  
Anyhoo, better start planning what comes next. Nichole has hold of the logs, PearlGirl's getting irate, I haven't updated in ages. . .oh, yeah, going back to Nichole. She's twisted and evil. What could she do?  
  
. . .  
  
I KNOW! SHE COULD ______________________________! That's a brilliant idea! I'm a genius! AHAHAHA!  
  
. . .  
  
Whaddya mean that happens every episode? It does not! How would you know, you've never even seen the series! *  
  
Oh well. Better write Scotty's log for the next chapter. Or possibly Rand's, Scott's still too drunk to even walk straight.  
  
Bye bye all, and McCoy, I know you're listening to this. Something very strange is going to happen soon! Hahahahaa!  
  
~~  
  
". . .Computer?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm scared. . ."  
  
~~  
  
[A/N]: So, the end to another pointless chapter! Oh yeah, a few questions before I go. . .and. . .um. . .do something. Has anyone else had problems with the Email reviews? Y'know, when someone reviews you and it send you an Email? No? *Sigh*. Second question: Anyone else have any pointless background characters who need their logs done?  
  
*I was arguing with my Dog. Don't ask. 


End file.
